She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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