a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
