tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
