I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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