im six kinds of drunk right now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
