Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We were destined to go to rehab together
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
