Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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