our cab driver is having phone sex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
