3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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