Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
