i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
