If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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