we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
