is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
