Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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