You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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