cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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