we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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