Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
