college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
