hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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