We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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