a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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