I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
