one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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