there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
