Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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