we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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