i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
