so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
