I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
