It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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