It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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