Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
