You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
