we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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