JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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