Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
