i barfeds in our rink
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
