3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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