My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
