i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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