If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
