I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
