on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
