she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
