I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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