Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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