Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
