I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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