I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
