you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
