It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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