hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
