This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
