I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
