Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
