maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
