You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
