Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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