or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
