tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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