Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
