He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
