I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
