He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
