Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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