I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
