The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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