i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
