Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
