i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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