he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
