the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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