so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
