Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
