This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
