there's paper in my vomit.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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