Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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